Neil deGrasse Tyson “Finds” Krypton

I love DC Comics. I got into comics with them and they will always be my first love, but sometimes DC can be really stupid. I’ve been waiting for some interesting news about DC Comics and when it looks like I finally found some, all it does it piss me off. It all seems in line with their latest direction.

Tyson has a better wardrobe than Superman

It has been announced that Astrophysicist and God of ‘I Fucking Love Science’ of Facebook stupidity, Neil deGrasse Tyson, has found Krypton in the real world. Right.

He recently appeared in Action Comics #14 in a story that DC Comics has referred to as ‘epic’ called “Star Light, Star Bright.” Superman wanting to find the location of Krypton through a telescope is certainly my definition of epic. This is obviously all silly fun, except for the part where everyone takes it so seriously.

“This is a major milestone in the Superman mythos that gives our Super Hero a place in the universe,” said DC Entertainment co-publisher, Dan DiDio. “Having Neil deGrasse Tyson in the book was one thing, but by applying real world science to this story he has forever changed Superman’s place in history. Now fans will be able to look up at the night’s sky and say – ‘that’s where Superman was born’.”

Yeah, I’m sure this is on the front cover of the Post. What Tyson basically did was find a red dwarf star and said ‘that’s Krypton,’ because there can’t be any other science involved in this. I know this is just for kids, but it all sounds like another ploy to get DC Comics and the ever-older ‘NEW 52’ back into the spotlight. I can’t wait until the DCnU hits 3 years and scientists find the location of Atlantis.

For all those amateur astronemers out there the star, designated LHA 2520, is located in the Corvus constellation and is 27.1 light years from Earth. The exact coordinates are as follows:

J2000
Right Ascension: 12 hours 10 minutes 5.77 seconds
Declination:  -15 degrees 4 minutes 17.9 seconds
Proper Motion: 0.76 arcseconds per year, along 172.94 degrees from due north

Maybe this was all sponsored by the Hubble Telescope. Or Brother Eye.

***

The government sponsored JLA is totally not S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers.

This should be good news. Two obscure, racially diverse characters are getting their own comic book series. With Justice League of America, the comic that is completely different from Justice League, but contains none of the characters usually associated with the Justice League of America, out in February, DC Comics is spinning off two characters from that title for their own ongoings during that same month! Sadly, those two characters are Katana and Vibe. Who? Exactly.

In original DC continuity, Katana is a Japanese-American woman who caries around a spirit sword that contains the souls of those she’s killed. She was a frequent ally of Batman and an original member of the Outsiders. In the New 52, she seems to be slightly unhinged and is frequently seen talking to her sword, which she believes contains the spirit of her husband. Her teammates on the re-imagined Birds of Prey seem a little disturbed.

While the premise of Katana has its potential, there has never been much to build on in terms of a solo story. Ann Nocenti and Alex Sanchez bring absolutely no additional interest to this book at all. Nocenti is known for her Daredevil run in the late 80s and Sanchez is known for quite literally nothing. The ongoing will follow Katana as she fights other weapon wielders that have similar powers. So she’s going to fight a guy with a dagger and a guy with the scythe. Sounds like Green Lantern with weapons. The push is definitely in preparation for her role as Batman’s sidekick for the new cartoon Beware the Batman, so at least there is a motive here.

What about Vibe? If you know who Vibe is right now, chances are you don’t give a shit about this comic. If you don’t know who Vibe is, chances are you still don’t give a shit and probably won’t even after I explain him to you. The appropriately named Justice League of America’s Vibe, because no one knows who Vibe is, stars Cisco “Paco” Ramon, a Puerto Rican man who can control vibrations. He is DC’s poster boy for stupid characters that no one cares about. People hated Vibe because he was created to be the hip, cool kid of the group that was meant to represent the current generation. He was a break dancer.

He was introduced when the original Justice League of America was disbanded by Aquaman (thanks Aquaman), who then reformed the team with a bunch of kids and moved to Detroit. Good call. Not surprisingly the change was very unpopular and DC was soon forced to throw Batman into the mix. Not even the Great Moneymaker could save the title and Volume One of the Justice League of America was cancelled. During the final issues of the book Vibe was killed and soon forgotten about. The lamest legacy ever.

So now it looks like Geoff Johns has either lost a bet or his ego has become so inflated that he thinks he can make even Vibe cool. I can support reintroducing Vibe in the pages of Justice League of America, so a new generation of fans can learn to hate him, but why are we clamoring to give him his own ongoing series? Johns will be co-plotting the first issue, but that means the rest of the series will be in the hands of Andrew Kreisberg, the man who is famous for making Green Arrow unreadable in the pages of Green Arrow/Black Canary a few years back. Kreisberg was part of a mass initiative to recruit as many television writers as possible and even after the failure of his run he somehow got the job of writing for Arrow, the show, and its digital comic book series. At least Pete Woods will be on art and he can give some decent pages.

The book has an interesting enough premise; Vibe is recruited by the government to join the new Justice League of America after attempting to remain under everyone’s radar. He had developed powers during Darkseid’s attack on Earth, as depicted in the opening arc of Justice League. He is the only one who can defend his hometown of Detroit, which has become an inter-dimensional hot zone for all types of creatures. In spite of this synopsis, I have to ask where this comic is going and who will actually be running to the shelves for this book? It seems like a waste of paper.

It’s a good idea to bring in several titles to take advantage of the recent hype of the Justice League of America, but Katana and Vibe are not a recipe for success. Martian Manhunter, the leader of the new team, still doesn’t have his own title. He’s green, does he not count for diversity?

If you thought the dumb news involving Justice League of America was over, think again. DC has announced that the premiere issue will have 52 variant covers, each one with a different state flag (including Washington DC and Puerto Rico), so I’m sure Alaska, Montana and Wyoming will be big sellers. 52 variant covers? What is this, the 90s?

The only good news to come out of all this Justice League of America nonsense is yet another creative team on Green Arrow. It seems that after the lame runs that Dan Jurgens and Ann Nocenti have put together, DC is finally ready to try for real this time. After all, if you’re trying to bring in fans of the Arrow TV show, you’re going to want to show them something that is actually good.

The new team will consist of Jeff Lemire (Animal Man, Justice League Dark, and everything else) and Andrea Sorrentino (I, Vampire), who are looking to actually take Green Arrow seriously. Their run, which starts with issue #17, will bring Oliver Queen into a dark and gritty crime tale, which already sounds better than the corporate funded amateur playboy that he has been in the previous 16 issues. Maybe something good can come out of all this after all.

I love you DC, but what are you doing?

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